Reflection

Oooh this one's gonna be a doozy. I've been staying with my two daddies as their boy for a week now. Working at the cafe, shopping with them, lots of sex initially and hanging out with their friend's too. My ass is a tad bit worn though so waiting for that to heal so we can have more fun.

But something we talked about..I've finally taken that mantle. Writing and becoming a writer and publishing. We talked extensively about that the other day like author name, how to publish, short stories, or taking stories and expanding upon them. I promised Wayne I'd take hook up stories from the past and put them in a word document for him to read...and I did.

Going through every single story...finding every single post and time I hooked up with guys was very difficult. Not only that but some guys I could barely remember and I found some interesting posts to save as well and put those as, "reflective" instead of hook up stories.

I also felt like I went back in time. Even though I was just sitting on my tablet typing I felt like my mind was transported back to when I first got bred by that man and going to hawaii and being a daddy nurse's boy for the time I was there. Back to when I first started barebacking and everything began. I saw how often people would reply or take interest in me and how I could barely see anything because I was so obsessed on cock and loads. What started off as an accident and something that scared me I slowly took a downward spiral from curious, to hesitant, to barebacking, to slut, to cum dump, and then to poz.

But reading of how I tried to rationalize some things or how my mind would slowly expand or open up to new ideas. And how I'd even state how cautious I was or how I was nervous or wondering..BUT EVEN THEN accepting what the reality of my actions would be and what the ultimate end result would be. And I was right about everything. But at the same time the way I viewed relationships, friendships, sex, tops, and what my position was slowly changed as well. From being a submissive obedient bitch bottom, to more selective, to taking any loads and cock, to slowing down, searching for a daddy top, and then becoming poz and topping more.

I just can't believe I documented all of it. It's just very strange. I took a path..a course, a chance, had encounters that many would never do. I went down a road of self destruction and ultimately becoming poz. Maybe others have walked my path..but very few at the age and the time period that I live in. It's caution for those who are curious barebacking but also excitement and knowing what happens when you truly let yourself go and unleash a deep desire and lust that builds inside and becoming who you think you truly are. If I did not do this I probably would have done something like this in the future and it would have been more intense, more dangerous, and more lustful, and I would have done things I would have regretted. For some strange reason even after reading everything I wrote...I don't regret anything of it. The fact that I could remember names, faces, and the men I was with and the impact I left on them and they left on me. That's something to be proud of. Yes I was a cumdump, cumslut, counted loads, and thought of barebacking sex as just fucking natural. But I still kept my personality and still made people and myself happy.

But at other times I was really depressed, could have made much more friends, or even had a boyfriend but I focussed so much on having as much sex as I could and getting new guys to have sex with, new loads, new cocks, that everyone felt more like a stepping stone or a trophy. And the ones that I wanted more with saw me as I saw others. It was a cycle that me and the men I played with all played a part in and it was just a repeat or a one time and nothing more. But I went through the motions and so did I. We all did what we wanted to as much as we wanted to..and maybe some and myself included wanted more.

It wasn't until much later when I slowly started having a deeper desire for something more and something with more substance. No matter who I had sex with I always "felt" during whether it was pain, passion, fear, pleasure, love, lust, anger, or regret I always felt everything. Even if I was just a fuck to them. But I learned so much from being a slut. Never would I have imagined that I would have two men who love me and care about me despite everything I've done.

The fact that I even left myself a little broken and almost gave up and was ready to cast my body aside and just give myself up to anyone and everyone because I consumed myself in nothing but lust, pleasure, sex, loads, and bareback sex that the only thing in the world that could satisfy me was getting as much sex as possible. That could have really happened. And even though I met a few leather tops who opened up my mind, heart, and body meeting these men was also painful because some of them did have partners or had no interest in me other then sex.

Even knowing there were men who would make great partners men who I could be in service to and their boy. I still closed my eyes to the world and almost gave up. But I did not. And becoming poz made things much..much different as well. It put more things into perspective and made me value my life more but also gave me some regret because I felt a tad bit broken after everything I've been through with work, sex, and a past relationship. But I was determined to live on.

Because I met certain people I realized that I was coming closer to finding a man to spend my life with. And strangely enough I started playing with couples more..but I rejected that idea long ago..but I was slowly accepting and liking that idea again as well.

...And then well Wayne and Don found me and in many ways saved me. It's a bit painful, stressful, and tiring to think of the past sometimes because the person I was and becoming..was something really scary especially at that age. But the experience, wisdom, people I met, and everything I learned. There was a reason it happened and I'm much better for it even though I'm poz. I'm actually okay being poz. Because I love myself and have two men who love me as well.

And I have a big adventure and grand life coming up soon...but unfortunately I will have to go back home one last time..one last trial and a little bit more enduring to be with the men I love. But at least after meeting them and spending time with them and slowly being absorbed into their life..I know I can do it. Even though it will be painful..

Now...to start writing and writing freely like I did by the pool the other day..I'm kind of scared to do it..scared where my mind will take me, won't take me, and what ideas, fantasies, and things will pop into my head. But If I feel my mind, ideas, imagination, lust, and desire I'll just be denying myself and won't be able to express it. And all along the main thing with me is I don't want to deny or limit myself. So why should I limit what I write.

I'll just have to see what comes to mind and have to go with it and see what happens...so get ready for it.

A complete alternate telling of a very important trip that I took.

Re-visiting the trip to Ft. Lauderdale.

Wayne and Don

A little over a month ago I talked to a daddy Sir on growlr. It was after a hook up and the first question was if I could be his boy and travel with him and his partner. I found the man very attractive, masculine looking, cute, and sexy as hell. I knew there was no way I could be his boy even if I wanted to (which I wasn't sure of at the time) and politely declined but told him that if he comes down for Pride I'd love to play.

Fast forward talking on the phone the first night, learning about him, his life, his partner, sharing my life, my past, my goals, my dreams, and everything about me and him helping me tremendously and sunday night me flying into Rochester, NY to meet him and his partner. Rushing the week before to pack, quitting work, having a week at phouse, and rushing to catch my flight. On the flight strong feelings and excitement, worries, and hopes for Wayne and Don emerged. But I focussed on replying an email to someone from the previous week. I spent the whole flight doing this. By the time we were close to landing I closed my tablet and started to slowly realize everything that was happening. I got off the plane and went to the bathroom and tried to find the terminal. I was at the wrong terminal frantically rushing to find the men who I would be with..the ones who would change me, who I'd change, but I couldn't find them. After calling them I still could not find them and began to panic. I just went to the only terminal I saw which was A. When I walked around the bend I looked at the sign. I heard a voice that came from another direction and the voice called out to me. I shifted my vision to the left and I saw two very men through a window near some furniture. My heart raced, my head throbbed, and rushed over to them. There they were. Wayne and Don. Both in person. The Sir who I'd been talking to for over a month and his partner who I've also talked to some. Both were actually in front of me. I wanted to cry. I want to hold both of them and tell them how much I've been looking forward to meeting them and kiss them and hold them. But we held off. We just exchanged pleasantries and got into their truck. Inside the truck I was finally able to give them a hug and kiss them.

I had so many mixed emotions in my head during the drive back. I wanted to talk with them, learn from them, and just was so happy that I was finally with them. I got on my knees and rested my head on the arm rest and nuzzled my head between their arms, kissing them, holding them, even though it was their arms it was something. After some fast food while driving to their home Wayne informed me about reading Casey's blog and told me that Casey is staying in Florida. I did not believe him and checked it myself. I saw his post and threw the phone. I was hurt. I started crying silently with the news in my mind. Memories flashed of taking trips with Michael and Casey in the past. Casey in the front seat driving and Michael laughing and them talking and having fun and me being with them..it hurt. I cried even more and I couldn't hold it in and I partially broke down. We finally arrived and I got out of the car feeling broken and hurt. Wayne hugged me and kissed me and so did Don but I still felt numb. I was supposed to feel excitement, feel happy, but I felt sad and hurt from my previous Sir for not telling me anything.

That night we made out, we cuddled, and Don fucked me raw and bare and bred me. Me and Wayne made out intensively and Don and their dog went to the other room. I blew Wayne and he fucked me. Fucked me raw with his huge PA and I took it. I took it and wanted more but knew that we needed to sleep. Also, somewhere in the back of my mind and in my heart and I was still hurt. Fucking would not heal that at that moment. But it was incredibly hot and I came a few times and Wayne..my Sir and owned bred me.

We all slept.

The next day we fooled around in bed and got up and i got registered. We went into town and got some food, we went to the pool, we napped, and we had dinner at their friends. During dinner, during the whole day I felt so peaceful and happy. Being with Wayne and Don, kissing them, holding them, and being here..I was finally happy. We slept well except I had a few nightmare.

Today we went shopping and Wayne got his food for the weekend. We went to best buy too and I tried to help Don find a charger for his iPad. But best buy did not have it. I was showing Wayne phones and tablets and Wayne asked if the phone I was looking at was the one I liked. I told him I did and he talked about getting it for me. But I declined telling him that my phone can still make calls and texts and even though I hate the fucking resetting that it can last a bit longer.

The man paid my phone bill, car insurance, entire phouse trip, giftcard for kroger, the trip for me to see him, and the fee for me to be at the campground. I was not about to let him buy me something else..I know in time he will and I can't stop him and will let him. But I haven't even worked yet so I don't know if I can please and make him and Don happy with the work yet. Sexually and being together yes. But If I can't help them with work or financially it's pointless. But I'll know soon.

We had a great lunch too and I've been fooling out with Don a lot too and bonding with him. I even told him I loved him tonight and he returned and told me he loves me as well. I could feel it..and I could feel it from him. That's why I said it. And I've had time to do some writing and still time for them. I know this can work. I just need to be strong and be a good hard worker for them. That's the only thing left to decide.

But as things stand now. I don't want to leave Wayne and Don. Because I love them and want to be with them.

P House Trip Day 1

It was decided. After talking with Michael and Sir the previous night I was going to quit work. After much trouble finally sleeping I finally drifted off to sleep.

I awoke a little earlier than normal. Around 6:30 am. I got some coffee and had a bite to eat and sort of reflected on how things were going to go. After getting showered and ready I called Sir and asked him for advice. After getting encouragement from Sir I drove to work. Lots of mixed feelings and the previous day I knew that was the final day. Sometimes you just know things like that. But the pressure was building up in my head. As I got closer to work and saw the downstairs part of the building I realized I was doing the right thing.

I arrived at the parking lot downstairs a little early and put my coat and badge on and headed inside. Hoping I wouldn't see anyone luck seemed to be on my side. I walked inside and no one was in the break room. I threw the crap out of my locker and headed upstairs. I did not clock in and went to the security buzzer. Before I pressed it I heard the voices of the workers on the floor and voices of my friends and people I'd talk to. Part of me wanted to hesitate and say one last thing to them..some of them have really helped me survive this. But I just needed to leave. Part of me wished I could have gotten closer to some of them and even done stuff outside of work. But the job itself and the three years of being at the company has crippled me in several ways. I pushed the buzzer.

I told security that I need to see them. I waited..and waited and nothing. Out of panic I pushed again and they told me to hold on a minute. Finally the night shift security guard came. I told him, "I'm done and here is my badge and my coat." He asked if I was resigning and I confirmed that i was. He asked if I had something else. I paused for a second, smiled and said, "Yeah, actually I kinda do." and he let me out of the building. I quickly went to my car and told my Sir that it was done. The call dropped when I got home so I called Michael and let him know as well.

Three years of pain, stress, abuse, being taken advantage of, and no growth or improvement at all. I finally ended it.

While I was talking to my Sir work called a few times but I ignored them because I did not want to hear from them and I was on the phone. After I was done talking with Sir I got ready to clean myself out. I haven't been fucked in a little over a month and a lot of it is fear because I got cut back there many months ago and sort of because of Sir as well. But regardless of me getting fucked or not..I wanted to be ready. It did not take as long as I thought and I was cleaned out. After slowly packing and making lunch I finally headed out. Sir also told me that he covered the rest of the phouse cost. That must have been his final gift. I really appreciated that.

I was finally on the road and told Michael and Casey too. Told Casey I quit too and he was a little surprised, disappointed, but after I told him the reasoning he understood and supported it. And told me to have fun in phouse. When I was getting to the augusta exit I was in the wrong lane and wasn't able to change over. That delayed me. But I kept going to the next exit and eventually got back going towards augusta. I have to say the drive was boring as fuck. But I was also, tired, stressed, and still mixed feelings about work. I listened to the entire Fall Out Boy, "Save Rock and Roll" album on the way. It's a pretty good album and there are only two or three songs I don't like on the whole album. That really helped pass the time but did not stop me from getting sleepy. My legs were getting sleepy too and at times I wanted to doze off. But I kept going. After realizing I was only 30 minutes away I played a mini album and that helped.

I was going 90 mph something and I saw cars stopped out of nowhere. I slammed that brake and my coffee machine and some other stuff came flying from the back. I thought, "Shit". Well I also said, "Shit". But it was okay. I did not expect traffic in augusta. But I realized..I'm finally in Augusta.

I looked at every building and place as I drove closer to phouse. Gay businesses, straight ones, stores, shops, I took everything in. This looked like so much fun and I could finally feel the start of my adventure, the start of my vacation, the start of my weekend, the start of new beginnings, and the path to seeing Sir and Don. Everything started...here. I'll remember this forever.

I got around the corner and finally saw phouse. I was like that youtube video of that cat that slowly opens his mouth wide and just keeps it like that and looks around. I was so fucking happy to finally be here. It made me realize everything I did was right..for me at least.

Editorial: Ugh I'm gonna be a primadona right now. Why can't there be a fucking table in this room. Fuuuu makes it harder to write. The things I do to write. Eh back to story. At least unlimited AC+Ice=Win.

I pulled in and parked and walked into the front office. A confused and troubled man was doing the reservations and was overwhelmed by a small number of people. I just waited and waited and finally I got my key and remote. Finally I drove to my room and was here. This would be my base of operations. My fucking lair. Hell yes..except the front of my room was flooded with water. I tried unpacking from that side but the stupid water was troubling so I parked to the spot next to it. Much better. I unpacked everything, killed a spider, and plugged in my blender and coffee maker and had everything out. Settled, in other words.

First thing I did was go to the ice machine in some very very small shorts and get some ice. I made a strawberry daquiri. I used less alcohol though..by accident. Dammit. I walked around the resort for a bit exploring everything. Ever guy I came across said a friendly howdy, hello, nod, or acknowledged me. That was nice. No one does this in Atlanta. I was happy that the people here are nice. I went to the pool with my drink and noticed lots of men around the front of the pool and a few guys naked. I decided to go to the back area of the pool. I got a towel and just relaxed in the sun. I drank my daiquiri getting a little bit of a buzz, a tan, and I was pretty fucking happy. I saw a guy across from me naked with a pretty fat cock. He acknowledged me and we slowly began teasing each other. His cock was getting hard and so was mine. After lots of flirting I decide to jump into the pool. I saw to the side he was on and we talked a little bit. He gave me a surprise kiss and grabbed my ass. We went back to talking and I decided I was getting out. So did he. We dried off and headed back to the rooms. I was walking away from him until he opened the gate for me and asked, "Coming this way?". I knew what he was getting at so I replied, "Yes I am.".

He walked into his room and let me in and I saw his sexy partner on the bed. We all talked and learned a bit about each other. They really liked timberfell and going to phouse and work so much and rarely get time off. We have a bit in common. And we started playing. I was making out with the one by the pool, Greg, and I was feeling his partner, "Gordon" as well and we started out feeling each other and making out. In short time i was sucking Greg and Gordon was playing with my ass and rubbing it. We switched and I started sucking Gordon and greg was playing with my ass. I heard a bottle open and I felt him slowly finger my ass. Then I felt his bare cockhead push into my ass. I sucked Gordon harder, and Gordon urged Greg to fuck my ass. I felt Greg slowly push in and I felt a bit of resistance from my side but I was really fucking horny and I was doing my best to relax my ass and I felt him sink into me. I moaned loudly while on Gordon's cock.

Greg started fucking me really hard while I sucked Gordon. Gordon kept encouraging Greg to fuck me and fuck me harder. I felt Greg really pound me and I heard his voice get raspy and felt him tense up. I heard Gordon tell Greg, "Yeah baby breed him..breed that sexy boy.". In no time at all I felt Greg's cum fill my ass and felt his cock push it in deeper. I jacked my dick like mad with Greg's cock up my ass and came. I kept fucking myself on Greg's dick so fucking horny. After Greg pulled out I sucked Gordon some more and made out with Gordon while Greg played with my body. Both of them were worshipping my body, playing with my dick, ass, balls, nipples, and every part of my body. I felt like I was in heaven. Is this what it would be like with Sir and Don I wondered. Before I knew it I was between Greg and Gordon and Gordon said, "Relax baby boy". He asked me if I trust him and I responded I did. He was rubbing my eye sockets gently. He had magic hands and he relaxed every part of my body. Before I knew it I was curled up next to Gordon with Greg on my side and the last thing I heard him say was, "Rest baby boy."

I woke later next to Gordon and wondered where Greg went. Me and Gordon woke up and we made out a little bit. I was also sucking on Gordon's nipple. He really liked that. Greg came back and we all played some more. While I was playing with Greg, Gordon was lubing up my hole. Before I knew it I felt Gordon climb on top of me and I felt his cock enter me. It felt so good and I sucked Greg while Gordon was fucking me. I frantically bucked my ass on his cock and in no time at all I felt him tense up and shoot his load deep inside me. I jacked off while he was inside me as well a few times. I really like cumming with a cock in my ass. Gordon pulled out and Greg entered me again and started fucking me. He wasn't ready to cum yet and I was a bit sore so we stopped after a while. I got back into my bathing suit and thanked Greg. I gave him a goodbye kiss and he told me we'd get together again. Gordon was outside on the chair and I gave him a kiss and said goodbye. I went back to my room and a guy near by was cruising me. Pretty hot bald headed bearded man. He came inside and I started sucking his fat thick cock. He kept playing with my ass and I knew he wanted to fuck me. He was getting ready to fuck me bare and I asked what he liked. He told me he likes fucking and getting fucked. Before he fucked me I told him, "I'm poz". He stopped and freaked out for a second and told me he couldn't because he has a wife and kids. This is why I feel sorry for woman sometimes. This man fucks and gets fucked bareback by guys that are neg but not poz. Surprisingly he was very cordial and even made conversation as he was gettingg dressed and said goodbye. But that also means he's a smooth talker.

I took a shower and made a few sandwiches to get some food in me. I called Sir to let him know what was going on and what I did. He was happy for me and told me to have fun. I heard a knock on my door and it was Greg from earlier. He told me that he was passing by and asked for a drink. I told him no problem and made him and me a batch of stawberry daquiri. I made one for Gordon as well. I got a call from Keith and Joey while Greg was in the room. I was very surprised to hear from them and happy. I heard Joey doing better and I talked to Keith too. Those two..they invited me to heretic and eagle for a night of fun. They know I don't have a lot of friends they know I don't go out much. I've expressed this to them. Those two..they are really good friends. I told them I am in phouse augusta but if I wasn't I'd love to. They were happy for me and I was happy for them and we told each other we'll talk soon.

I got a text from Sir while Greg was in the room so I told Greg I'll join him and Gordon for the drink but I have to do something first. I called Sir and no response I panicked. I texted him figuring he was hurt and I wanted to talk about it. After hearing nothing I figured he was really hurt. So I decided to leave it at that for now. I took my drink and headed over to Greg and Gordon's room. I chatted with them for a bit but feeling worried for Sir left them quickly and told them I'm going to go do stuff tonight. They understood and I told them I'd see them tomorrow. I returned to my room and got Sir's text. There was a huge confusion because I thought he felt bad and hurt and did not want to talk. And I wanted to discuss how I felt so I wouldn't feel hurt and like I couldn't communicate and be honest. After some misunderstanding of texting we finally talked on the phone and discussed things and understood each other's true feelings. We also understood that we deeply love each other and things would be different if we already met and how we do want things to go by fast so we can meet. With deep sadness in each other's hearts and a feeling of loneliness we said goodbye to each other for the night.

I decided to have fun and drink some. I made a cocktail and after drinking it headed to filling station. The bar was sort of packed, no where to sit, and small. I had a drink and was amazed and happy at the low cost of it and stood by the bar drinking. Saw a few guys and watched them but everyone was pretty much occupied with their friends so it was somewhat dull. I finished my drink quickly and headed back. Probably a bit too quickly. I was a little drunk but not plastered, smashed, wasted, or fucked up. And Michael did say this was the weekend to do it. Not driving and have a place to stay. He is right. I headed to the maze feeling horny. The maze was the same fortunately as last time.

I went upstairs and saw tons of hot guys. I went into a room with one guy and sucked him. He started pushing his bare cock in me but I tightened up because I wasn't in the mood for that. So I sucked him some more and he wasn't ready to cum and neither was I. I sucked a few more guys too. I felt happy with what I was doing. I did not want to slut out and take lots of random cock up my ass. But I was pretty fucking happy and content with sucking multiple guys. I only sucked a few though. I went into the jail cell area and had one guy go down on me. Fucking his face was pretty hot but I really wanted some ass. But remembering Wayne's advice I decided not to. I decided to save that load for the time being. Someone I knew in the past was there too and he was making out with a me a bit and going down on my cock. A furry bear of a man next to me was stroking his cock too and I went down on him. He held a firm grip on me so I would service his cock. I decided to leave the area and he tried to with a little force keep me there but I broke free. I asked if he wanted to go in a room and he did not say anything. I figured he wasn't interested.

I went into an open room with a table and a guy came up behind me. He was pretty cute and we made out and I sucked him. He quickly turned me around and started to shove his raw dick up my ass. He pushed in for a second but I pushed out. He asked if I wanted to get fucked bare. I told him I was tight and it wasn't going to work. He thanked me and we went our seperate ways. I went downstairs for a while and was in a room with complete darkness. It felt like an endless abyss and I went in futher but could not feel anything or any way out. So I left that area and went back upstairs for a while. I just walked around and wasn't doing anything so I went back downstairs. The lights were now on in that area. I saw how small the area was to what I thought was an endless abyss. I decided to leave the maze area through the side exit.

I walked back to my room and put on my jock and went to pig pen in nothing by my jock and flip flops. I tried to get in earlier but the guy stated I must have on underwear or less. I asked him if I met the dress code now. He smiled and he told me I do. I went inside and it was deserted. But I got to examine the lay out. A medical table, a few slings, a bondage table, what looked like a rim seat and a few other things. It looked like fun. I saw a hairy bottom jock strap pig walk in. He looked hot but I could tell what he was about. I noticed some dry cum all over his ass and parts of his body and his ass looked slippery and I could tell a few guys came back there. But then I remembered that my own ass was a cum hole as well. The couple he fucked me earlier really fucked me and bred me good. The feeling of an ass coated in cum is really hot...but the difference between me and him is with me it was with two people I met and knew their names. For him it was probably just random guys, names he doesn't know, and maybe even faces that weren't seen. But I was once like him. I saw him walk away and neither of each acknlowedged each other. Of course we wouldn't. He saw me as a bottom and in his mind, "Only a hard top" matters. I knew exactly how he thought.

I decided to exit the pig pen. I walked back towards the maze but I was intercepted by the bearish man from the maze. He said hi and asked me if I have seen the hot tub. I told him I have and he asked if I wanted to go to it. I replied, "Sure". As we walked to the hot tub I saw him walking past the rooms and looking in the windows. I saw some bottoms in the window asses up. I realized that since I've been here I haven't cruised like that. I did in the past though..but not this time. But that's probably because I'm not looking intensely for sex. We walked to the hot tub and he sat on the chair and pulled out his dick. I needed no cue. I got on my knees and serviced him. He commented that he was looking for a hot boy to use. He asked me if I wanted to get used by him, I replied, "Yes Sir." He stated however, "I bet you want my raw cock up your ass..you want me to breed me don't you boy." I got rock hard instantly and sucked him faster and he said, "I thought so boy." After he was nice and hard he bent me over. He pushed his cock up my ass and started fucking me bare. Some guys walked by as he was fucking me and he just commented that they were seeing what they thought they were seeing. Some guys came over because they wanted a piece but he told them, "We're good as we are." I did appreciate that. He slipped out and I suggested we go to my room.

We went into my room and got on the bed and I serviced him. I then sat on his cock and rode it. It felt damn good riding on his cock. In some ways he reminded me of Russ but in other ways he seemed difference. He said he has been looking for a hot whore to fuck. That part sounded familar to russ. But even though he called me a whore a few times as a I rode him the intensity and the prescense of Russ wasn't there. At a glance they seemed similar but they weren't. This was a good thing. He slipped out again and he suggested we go in the shower. He turned the hot water on and jacked his cock. He tried to push in me again but he did it so forcefully he failed to get in. He turned the water off a few times and had no luck again. He told me to jack off on his cock and I did. He jacked off and came on my cock as well. We turned on the shower and washed off and he made out with me a little bit. I should mention with his glasses on he looked like a bear geek but with them off he looked incredibly sexy as well. I like both. We layed on the bed and talked for quite a bit and he told me about a lot of things to do in augusta and even a geek hang out for programmers, coders, and just techno geeks. That sounded like heaven and I decided I'll do that tomorrow. He told me about places to eat too. I like how we talked casually afterwards and had some stuff in common. I don't think he's really a dominant top though but that's okay he seems like he as a laid back attitude and not arrogance or trying to pass as a dom like Russ. I think like Russ he might be more of a bottom too.

He told me that tomorrow we can hang out some and maybe even do some stuff in Augusta. He told me he'd back back around 2 pm tomorrow and that he'd be at cumunion too. After he left I brushed my teeth. I was tired as hell. I had a bag of pretzels as a quick snack and I turned on my vita. It was very well charged. I fired up megaman x and watched the fmv special that I unlocked for beating the game. I was glad that I could watch something despite the lack of internet. I watched most of it but dozed off near the end since sony's AMOLED screen is bright and sharp as fuck and I was tired. I turned it off and dozed off finally.

The Heart of a Boy

There once was a boy who was born in another country who had a mother and father. The country was poor and so were the boy's parents. They both loved the boy but could hardly afford to feed him or take care of him. The best they could do for the boy was feed him sugar cane and put him up for adoption. The boy was not able to recall much about early surroundings and growing up. But the mother cared for the boy enough where the boy is to this day able to have one image in his mind of a mountain and a small little shack at the bottom with his mother holding him. The boy will always remember this in his mind whether it's real or not.

The boy's father did pass away shortly after the boy was born. The boy's father was a merchant and was murdered by a terrorist group known as the shining path. In the country where the boy was born, there used to be something called national terrorist day. On that day everyone stayed inside and hide because the terrorists would roam the streets and pillage, murder, and spread fear. The boy doesn't know all the details and might never, but his father was outside on a terrorist day and was murdered by the terrorist group. This very reason is probably also why the mother decided to put the boy up for adoption. Having very little money and losing her husband, she wanted the boy to live a better life and a family that could take care of him and love him.

Two gay men visited the county, a couple, who were looking to adopt. They had to barter and pay off doctors, lawyers, and all kinds of people to access certain parts of the country and even be considered. One of the things the boy remembers is the way people spoke. In the boy's home country some spoke spanish and the foreigners visiting spoke english. The boy would often mumble, or almost make out words and it was a mix between the two languages. The reason the boy would not speak and would sound things out make these noises because there were two languages at conflict. The boy wasn't sure which to pick. From the moment the boy was born he already analyzed everything and carefully calculated things.

But the boy was also born with something special and received something special from his parents. The heart of a boy. A heart of purity, strength, love, courage, consideration, and the stubbornness to never give up. The boy was adopted by the two gay fathers and lived in a residential neighborhood growing up. The boy remembers getting teddy bears and soft things growing up and having a sister who he would play with and being happy. But even at that age the boy showed kindness in pre-school to people, to friends, and to his adopted parents and sister.

As the boy grew and went to kindergarten through grade school, the boy tried his hands at sports, and masculine activities but never could quite get the hang of it. The reason why the boy's confidence lacked and why he was nervous to make friends or be around people because the boy was missing something. The boy was missing an identity and a mother. The boy would grow up watching everyone interact with their mothers and on mother's day wonder why he did not have a mother. He had two fathers and by one was forced to do more masculine and hands on activities but did not like to be forced to do things he did not want to do. But inside the boy also felt different and a bit isolated from having two fathers. The boy would at times lie about having two father's not because he was ashamed of them, he loved them very much, because of what others would think of him and them.

The boy eventually made friends his age and the boy enjoyed hanging out with his friends, doing nothing, the boy learned about cursing and sex from his friend's as well. The boy's rebellion grew too and he learned more how to rebell against adults and things he did not like and the boy liked being idiotic at times, random, stubborn, and somewhat of a pervert as well. Things eventually changed for the boy, people around the boy changed. Friends he would spend summers with or times hanging out, playing video games, talking about girls, or doing stupid stuff were different. Things they used to not care about such as status, who they spent time with, and what they did suddenly mattered. The boy lost very close friends but got to spend one last summer with them at camp so despite the change, the boy had fond memories he would keep in his heart forever.

Things not only changed with friends for the boy his parents changed as well. One of his fathers became more busy with work and relied on the other father to help the kids with homework, feed them, and care for them more. The boy struggled with school work and studies because of the lack of self confidence and the father struggled to try to understand the boy and accept that he was different from the boy and angry at that. The father would yell and scream at the boy and make the boy feel so little and so different that the boy wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die even at that age. With difficulties at home with parents and friend's fading the boy started to grow cold and alone. The boy cried more often, the boy had less confidence in himself and the boy did more things alone and by himself. In middle and high school the peers around the boy cared more about drinking, fucking girls, sports, and things that did not interest the boy. Even among geeks and nerds the boy rarely fit in with others. The boy was very gifted and adapt with technology that the boy spent almost all his time online. This was an escape for the boy. He could talk to others around his age or a bit older, RPG with friends online and escape the real world. Online the boy could be strong, he could be smart and he had friends who he could talk to, game with and even help with. This gave the boy a strength but it also gave him a weakness.

The boy started becoming dettached from reality and spent many a nights staying up late in his online world and developed a little bit of insomnia as well. The boy's studies also suffered more than they originally did and he had more trouble in school, more trouble caring, and more problems with one of his fathers as well. As for school life, the boy was so miserable at that point where he gave up. The boy stopped going to class sometimes, would sleep in class and just dream of a world where he could be a strong proud man and did not have to be the weak coward he felt like. It wasn't all bad for the boy in school though. Although the boy did not really have friends he did have a few people he talked to. And the boy was in chorus and enjoyed singing. The boy did not care what others thought since he did not have friends anyways but the boy was able to do something he liked and it made his parents proud and gave him a little confidence.

For a time in school the boy developed a crush on a girl as well. He crushed on her for a number of years afraid to even talk to her too. The boy was very modest in school. The boy was not mean to people and sometimes overly kind. The boy got used many times by his peers and his naivety and kindness was taken advantage of. Despite this the boy still kept his kindness even though he felt cold and lonely at times. The lonliest times for the boy were actually at lunch. The boy would sometimes sit with people he knew or kind of knew but as they made more friends and had more groups and cliques the boy felt out of place even if he was "wanted" by someone. The boy still felt like an outcast.

The boy would often eat on the steps of his school away from everyone eating a cup of ramen. The boy liked the ramen for it's asian influence and the simplicity and portability of it. Everyday the boy ate lunch outside alone the boy would feel the wind blow and feel sleepy but at peace because the boy was alone. Once a boy who was afraid to be alone, sad because of the absense of his mother, a real identity or background, and self esteem issues the boy grew and learned to enjoy being alone.

The boy would take this newfound courage and strength and he would walk to the mall, the restaurants, cafe's, and just venture out listening to music and exploring. The boy would do this because when the boy felt the wind blow or look at the scenery outside the boy wanted to explore it. The boy wanted to explore it alone. The boy felt that if he travelled and did more things by himself he could learn more about himself and others. The boy was successful in the attempt and enjoyed many times venturing the mall by himself, window shopping, or going out to eat by himself. The boy even went to concerts alone to and made acquaintances with drunks or concert goers. But every connection the boy would make were just temperamental and he'd be alone again.

Eventually the boy grew to the point where he was making some friends..but like a cycle they changed, he changed, and the friendships ended. The boy's heart weakened and ached and the boy grew to the point where he wanted to be alone completely talk to no one and have no friends so that way when the boy was done with school he'd have no painful memories, no back stabbing, and no emotional attachment. Inside though, the boy knew he was fooling himself.

Whether it was fate or not, riots happened at the school and protests because of conflicts within the school system and the staff and the boy was pulled out of the school by his parents. For the remainder of the boy's high school years he went to a private school. Here the boy learned about philosophy, psychology, and literature and writing. The boy became obsessed with these three things. The boy was also able to write, work, and do his studies on his time and do them listening to music or on his laptop in his element. The boy friended the philosophy teacher as well who was a cute older man and actually grew a crush on him. As well as his math teacher.

Before the boy knew it he excelled in school like he never thought possible. The boy got good grades, studied, worked hard, and even graduated early. The boy still detested his parents and what home life became though and decided to go to college away. Before this the boy also finally turned 18 and was able to see certain movies and have sex. The boy went back to the world of the internet and instead of always jacking off talked to guys online. One of the boy's biggest revelations was saying, "I'm gay" in an online chat. The boy's heart beat, his palms sweat, and he started shaking at typing that while everyone was so warm and welcoming to him.

The boy even attended a pride in his city with friends from an online site. He had fun until they wanted to go drinking and he was not of age. But while the boy was with his friends he spotted a leather booth which caught his eye. The boy knew nothing of leather and was curious about it. But the boy also saw an older leather daddy eyeing him through the booth and through a sea of people. The boy thought nothing of it though until his friend's left him. The boy did notice that some of the friend's did not want to go to the bar and wanted to do something the boy could do as well but a few of them outvoted the rest but the boy also assured them he would be fine by himself. Afterall, that's what the boy was used to.

But the boy had other plans. He wanted to know about the leather man and his booth. The boy went inside the booth and he could feel the leatherman eying him and checking him out. The boy naively asked about the chains, whips, paddles, and the jocks and harnesses. The man feeling the boy's hesitation said he will demonstrate on the boy. The boy was ordered to bend over the and the boy felt the man's forceful hand on his ass through his jeans. The boy loved the sensation and being in the state of submission he was in. Before the boy could process anymore the boy's pants were pulled down and his bare ass was exposed in public. The boy could hear people talking and was a bit nervous about it being out in public, but the boy's fears we erased as the force of the strong man's hand hit the boy's soft ass. The boy was very turned on and had a huge hard on while being spanked in public.

After the demonstration the boy talked with the man and learned much about them. They even played a bit in the tent. The boy served the man for the weekend every time he went to the pride tent. Whether he was helping the man organize the leather, watch the shop, or servicing the man, the boy was comitted. The man brought out something in the boy. He brought out the boy's heart. The boy did have to say goodbye to the man though but the man gave the boy a special pin, a bear, and a jockstrap that the boy eyed when he first saw the shop. The man even did something that the boy knows he does not do for everyone. The boy and the man had an emotional last meal at a chinese restaurant nearby. The boy cried when he had the leave the man but the man assured the boy not to cry and be sad because the boy has a strong heart and a kind heart and that the boy will find a man of his own one day. But the man also told him that in many ways the boy will always be part of his life and be a boy of his. The man promised the boy he'd understand the meaning behind that one day.

As the boy watched the man drive off he had his first experience with leather, a leather man, and serving a kind and caring top. The man had corrupted the boy forever and was proud of it.