At A Different Place in Time

This spaghetti is fucking awesome..what a totally stupid thing to say and kill the meaning of this post. But eating lunch right now so extremely happy. I've been eating fast food way too fucking much. At least I've been careful with money..except for fast food..well I'll go to grocery store eventually.

Back on topic.

This has been going through my mind lately. I had a feeling that I would have a connection with the client I was going to meet. On the phone his voice sounded very sweet and he sounded nice and sincere. He was with his emails and texts as well. I had a good feeling which is why I made sure I was well rested and ready since I had a feeling this wasn't going to be a quick fuck. And in truth maybe I'm tired of that altogether.

But I think last night also confirmed what I thought of with Doug earlier this week when he came over.

I pulled into the driveway and saw this very handsome sexy older daddy. I thought, "Fuck is this who I'm seeing..?" He was dressed in a hawaiin shirt with short brown shorts and sandals. This complimented what I was wearing which was a small tight shirt, my short shorts I got from ft. lauderdale and a pair of flip flops. One of the first things we did was introduce each other and he leaned in close and gave me a kiss and I kissed him back. I could already tell there was passion when we kissed. He led me into the house and asked if I wanted a drink. I replied, "I'll have water." He laughed asking, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have something else?". Cheeky bastard. Why the hell am I even using that terminology. That's english? Not like I really watch english porn or movies. But english accents are hella cool. I replied, "Well what do you have?". He named off the alcohols and I melted. Then I thought.."Mixers?". He asked if I want it just plain and opened the fridge.

As if my eye was some kind of recording or scanning device I scanned the fridge in an instant and saw all the mixers he had. Coke, orange juice, apple juice (DON'T JUDGE ME!), and what I thought was cranberry juice. LOCK ON!

I was about to ask for a cape cod when I saw it was cranberry jam. DAMN. I decided on a screwdriver. After all..I just had that a few nights ago did I not..where did I last have that? Shit why did I forget where I had it. I remembered at that moment I just had that a few nights ago but where? Oh well.

He made me a screwdriver and it was perfect. Not too strong. We went on the couch and talked a bit and we sipped our drinks. We started making out and he was a damn good kisser. He was very sexy and we were both really into each other. He smoked a bit which I don't do but let him do. He did something surprising though and took a puff and made out with and while our tongues swirled around the smoke and we both took it. I can't remember how long it's been since I did that..Michael was that last and only guy I ever did that with. Then again..he did piss fuck me before anyone ever did. He did do ALOT with me and brought out ALOT in me so it probably was him.

But I was extremely horny and he took off my shirt and shorts until I was on his couch in nothing but my bikini briefs making out with him. We took a quick break to have a drink since we were making out so much and then we resumed. He pulled out my cock and he took it in his mouth. I was a bit nervous at first so it wasn't fully hard but we made out some more and he played with my ass and rubbed my crack and hole and I instantly got hard. I watched as he bobbed up and down on my cock and saw that sexy mustache go up and down. Fuck he was good. He sucked me nice and gentle and I could feel his wet warm mouth and the friction. I felt the feeling I get when I am fucking someone. I started fucking his face really getting into it but saw he was having a little trouble and slowed down. I almost creamed his throat several times. Eventually he pulled off my bikini briefs and I took of his shirt and undid his zipper. I was sucking on his cock and it was a nice cock. Tasted and felt really good in my mouth. He suggested to me we go to the bedroom. I agreed.

I had a little more of my drink since I was damn thirsty from all the kissing. It was good. We got in bed and we were both naked and we romped around in bed making out, feeling each other, and just feeling good. He went back to sucking me and this time I got really close to coming. I felt his ass too and felt how nice and tight his hole felt and that got me harder and hornier. I was starting to lose control and I really started fucking his face and it wasn't me just wanting to cum it was me wanting to cum in his mouth. He pulled off again though so I slowed down and pulled out so he could breath. We 69'ed and I sucked his cock while he sucked mine and I loved the feeling of my cock being sucked and sucking on his. The more I sucked on his the harder mine got and he started fucking my face. It felt so hot feeling his cock thrust in and out of my mouth and me applying the pressure and wetness with my mouth and he shouted he was going to cum. He came and I swallowed all of it. It was damn good and I jacked off my own dick while sucking him and I came.

We took a break and talked a bit and learned more about each other. We then went back to making out and rolling around in the bed. I came a few more times and I got him to come again too. After we were done rolling around and making out we rested in bed. He embraced me as we spooned and I felt something.

I felt sad. I liked making out with him, sucking, and rolling around but when he was embracing me like that and feeling a little drunk too. I wanted it to be my Sir that was holding me. I wanted it to be my Sir that I was in bed with. I did not think of this while playing with him earlier because I recognized his identity as who he is. A very sexy man whose probably done a lot in life and has a lot of passion, and is a lot of fun with in bed.

I thought back to when me and Doug were playing too and when we were holding each other tenderly. Or when I was with another client and I was servicing him while he looked down on me. I think that one had heavier impact on me because the WAY i was servicing him and pleasing him..that's something I wanted to do with Sir. But I don't know. Maybe just lots of emotions. But I do know one thing.

At a Different Place in Time me and Doug could have gotten together after we had drunken sex that night. We could have seen each other more and maybe even dated. Same as the client before and even the client tonight. We had a lot in common, or lots of passion and lust and desire for each other. In another time we probably would have done okay.

And maybe that was the most painful realization. I've always gone by the theory that "There's other fish in the sea" or I don't subscribe to the theory of soul mates. If your soul mate gets hit by a car or something than you get cheated out of your soul mate because you'll never meet. But there are easily lots of guys I could be with. Maybe that's more of the powerful realization. All these times I went out to the bars or other places. Could I have really easily found someone if I really wanted to. The compliments I was given last time by different guys at different places like, "You're very sweet.", "Why are you so kind", "Why are you a breathe of fresh air here", "It's that smile that I like", "You could have any guy here if you wanted to".

But maybe because I did not have enough confidence in myself and that that other boys my age are more attractive than me and just I don't have the right attitude. But maybe it's not having the attitude that makes me attractive. And I have been told countless times and heard many guys say, "If a hot guy has a horrible attitude or is a jerk he's attractive." So does that mean that, "If an average guy has a really nice attitude he shines?". Is that the case with me? Maybe I'm still learning these things.

But back to last night. A huge part of me wanted to stay with him longer. He already told me how much he had and we went well past an hour already. But it felt so nice being cuddled up with him and having him embrace me. We could have easily fallen asleep in each others arms. He already told me to stay as long as I wanted earlier on. So the ball was in my court huh. How nice it would have been to fall asleep with him. To have someone hold me, touch me, and just be with him.

But I have someone. I have a Sir who loves me and cares about me. Not only would it not be fair to to do that but I don't want to have feelings that towards other guys. I think because Doug proved that, "I can't have sex without some emotion involved." Meaning it won't always be "No strings attached" for me doesn't mean I'll go off with another guy. But maybe depending on the guy whether I feel devoted to him, wanting to stay with him longer, or whatever the feelings are. Now I understand why Sir and Don have their rule about no sleepovers. I understand the impact it can make. It's one thing to play with someone and even have feelings about them in some shape or form. Doesn't mean it's love but if there is some kind of emotional attachment you have with a person. When you leave them and go on you're way you are sort of severing that or at least setting the boundaries for that. By staying with that person such as overnight you are almost forming that bond or connection with them despite bonds or connections you have elsewhere. Even if it's love with another.

..Now I understand. It takes an adult..a man be with someone and even if they do play with someone to not only feel in their heart that they love their partner but to not let their love get mixed with another. You can't fault someone for feeling something. But you can damn well fault if they act on it and take it farther and cross boundaries. I wonder how other escorts feel. If they ever fall for clients if they sometimes give the clients a freebie, stay overnight with them for an hour's price or if they keep it professional and thank the client and leave.

That's why I did not stay last night. As much as I wanted to feel the touch of another man. To be wanted..to be needed, to be loved. I ALREADY AM LOVED. My Sir loves me and Don cares about me. Doug, this client, and the other they know nothing about me. Sir is the one who loves me and understands me. That doesn't mean in another place in time I couldn't have been with one of them or it wouldn't of worked out.

It's that in my heart I've chosen SIR. I might be a whore and a slut and I might like lots of cock or now even ass or getting head. But I know who I belong to. I know who I dedicate myself to. I chose them and they chose me.

And this doesn't mean I can't see clients more than once like this or have other clients. It's that I do need to remember to be professional. Because currently I'm choosing not to hook up with others and just see clients because of dedication to Sir. Not sure if it's something I'm trying to prove to him or myself. But maybe..I don't need to prove anything to Sir.

This probably means that maybe now I can have sex with others. Now that I know I might always feel some kind of emotional attachment to someone..because that's just who I am with sex. That's a way I feel and the connection I feel with another even if it's just a hook up. I won't lie and say I did not have feelings for that bear bud I used to see or my fuck bud from TN. Whether they had feelings for me or not is another story. But that just means I'll be a damn good boyfriend, lover, boy, slave, partner for a man or two and that if I do have sex outside the relationship or now whether it's escorting or not. It means I'm making someone else happy. I'm making them feel really good about themselves and maybe making them feel something they haven't felt in ages or re-igniting a spark. That is one of the reasons I became an escort. Because I recognized when I hooked up with men in the past for some it did some I re-ignited a spark or made them happier. And that made me happy because I like to make people happy. But I know who my Sir is and the couple that I belong to and have chosen to be with.

Maybe I really am growing up. Not only learning to control emotions. But learning what causes these emotions how the affect me and evaluating them and learning more about myself. Because apparently my emotions tell ALOT about who I am.

...That's probably why Keith told me that one time, "I know what you want boy. I can read you like a book. You know what you want to don't you boy. You know what you need and what you crave boy. It's to be owned boy."

...That bastard..if it wasn't for him. But if it wasn't for him I would have never met Sir and Don. But still those words still haunt me..they haunt me because I wasn't able to recognize my own emotions and feelings for myself and admit it to myself. And it also haunts me because I really almost did give up leather, almost did give up going out and meeting people and even considering dating.

But more than likely with Keith and even other's i've met at one point in time. I've learned that sometimes people come into your life at a certain time and it might even be brief or to pass along a message. But maybe the reason they do so is to help you further yourself and help you grow.

..I guess the one thing I should never forgot. Is Casey, Michael, everyone up til now. I can't ever forget them. Because without them and various people I've met. There's no way I would have gotten to where I am and met Sir and Don. Because I've chosen to be with them.