Trust

So it seems me and Sir have gotten a lot closer now. There is more understanding, there is more trust, and we are moving much further to see each other real soon. He even told me, "I'm now his boy.". That made me so happy when he told me that. And phouse is his gift to me which is extremely kind. Even though he says I can still have sex with people right now I don't really feel like it. I got a few messages from some websites with people wanting to hook up with me and I just don't want to. However, I am a little tight and a client contacted me who is a really nice guy and who I enjoyed spending time with last time a lot.

But Sir was okay with this. But he also didn't know I was positive so this is something else I'd have to tell him. And I was nervous.

After I told Sir goodbye I left to go see the client. I arrived at his house exactly on time. I go to the door and see him. He got a haircut and he was wearing glasses. Looking cute as ever. I go inside and we catch up and he tells me how he's been busy and just got back from LA and a little jet lagged. He pours me some bourbon and pours himself a gin and vodka. He told me he hasn't eaten and asks if I mind. I tell him I don't and even though he offers me food I decline because I had a buford burger a few hours ago.

While he starts to eat and turn on the tv I decide it's now I never. I tell him that I have to tell him something. He tells me he is listening and I flat out say, "I'm hiv positive." He just responds, "Okay", and I tell him that I wanted to tell him last time but I got really bad advice from my roommate not to tell anyone because as long as we were a condom it's not a concern but that I talked to someone and realized I was wrong to think that way. I tell him that I understand if he doesn't want to see me and wants me to leave. He tells me I can stay. He tells me that he has known people over the years who are HIV and uses protection all the time and doesn't judge. I tell him when I became positive and a little bit about when I started barebacking and up until today.

I give him a big hug that he accepts me for being positive and even though I've been a cumslut in the past he doesn't care. It means so much to me when people accept me. I then I tell him something else.

Well first I tell him about the former leather relationship with my leather Sir and submissive/verse brother. I tell him about that because I tell him that some changes are coming soon. I tell him that I have recently talked to a very nice couple who lives in NY. It was originally just an offer to be their boy and help them with their work and travels and have lots of sex with them. And it was originally me wanting to travel and have more time to focus on things, and be free. But it quickly turned into me falling in love and them falling in love with me. I told him a little bit about my..

Heh. My Sir and his partner. He seemed very interested in everything I've done and asked more about pig play and certain things about barebacking. He seemed really happy for me as well but he also confessed that he actually did start to have feelings for me. He said I'm really not like a lot of guys in Atlanta. Or escorts for that matter. He told me my personality, the way I view people and treat people, and just the way I am is very kind and sweet and it's genuine not fake or forced. He says that's the biggest attraction to me. I did tell him that it is true that there are many escorts out there who will look and examine a client and as if to find their weakness to make the client fall for them and need them and then manipulate them. But I told him I'm not that type of escort. In fact, probably the reason why I'm such a bad escort is because I'm very honest with clients and I make really good friends with clients but I'm not a fantasy escort or some model boy or adonis like some escorts are. And most WANT that. But I'm not that. But he assured me I have much more than they have so I appreciated that.

He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to have sex since I'll be leaving soon. I told him I will be coming back in october but than moving onto florida. But I told him I thought he was really sweet too and I really did enjoy it last time and I like his personality a lot and I like him. I wasn't falling for him though but I did not tell him that. I considered him a really good friend since we had a lot in common and had good chemistry.

So we stopped talking about that after a while and he turned on something on tv. I saw him rubbing his crotch and started feeling it myself. I felt him getting hard and I pulled his dick through his underwear and slowly took it in my mouth. It felt so good and it felt so good to be servicing a cock and really working it. But I felt something else..

Guilt? My Sir. He's not here right now. But I was really getting into servicing him, working his cock, rubbing him, his balls, his nipples, and just making love to his cock. I felt a little sad inside because part of me wanted to be doing this with my Sir..but I do have an attraction to the client and I do like him and he is sweet so I had to swallow my emotions so he wouldn't suspect anything. That wouldn't be fair to him anyways. We eventually stripped and we made out some, rubbed our bodies together, and again I went back to working his cock and just made love to his cock..he started jacking my cock as well which really turned me on. Normally when guys jack my cock in the past I wasn't fond of it but now I was. But than again, bear bud never really cared about my cock and most of the tops I'm with don't. But he was stroking it so perfectly and I do top now so that would explain it.

He told me he was getting close and asked where I wanted the load and I said I wanted to swallow it. I worked his cock some more, applying pressure, making sure it was nice and wet, and doing different things and than moving at a faster rhythm. Somehow, I've improved at sucking cock. I felt his load go deep inside my throat and I swallowed every last bit and even when more of his cum was seeping from his cock I licked up that part. I felt really guilty inside though because I really wanted to do this with my Sir. He's my Sir..I love him and I'm with someone else. But since I'm extremely good at controlling my emotions I again swallowed that feeling and we made out some. I jacked my cock while we made out until I came.

We watched some more tv some guy in Peru. My home country I was actually very interested. It was interesting seeing how the upper class had delicious meals with the refined presentation and the lower class had more bountiful meals but the presentation wasn't there. But they were basically the same. I had no idea that there were wealthy parts of peru especially in lima. It was actually very refreshing seeing the different parts of peru. I saw him stroking his cock again so I went back to servicing him.

..This time for some reason though...I felt extremely guilty. I almost felt like crying. But once agian, I swallowed those feelings and worked his cock. He started jacking my cock as well and after sucking him for a while he told me he wasn't going to cum but that I could. I jacked my cock and shortly I came. I kept my mouth on his cock as my I was breathing and my dick was getting hard again. He asked if I could come again and I told him I could. I jacked my cock some more..took a little more jacking this time and shot my load again.

After that we mostly cuddled and watched tv. We were both getting tired that was obvious. He would sometimes randomly ask questions about pig play, bbing, or how I even decided to get into Master/slave relationships and it just popped up randomly. But I answered. I even told him more about my job at work. I did notice that for some reason I was able to process everything almost perfectly and explain it perfectly even about my job despite the fact that i was tired. He said that he is getting tired and that we'll go to the atm.

I did notice while we were playing or just sitting there earlier that I heard my phone go off a few times. I knew who it was. And that probably added to the guilt. But my rule for me personally escorting has always been that I never look at the time while I'm with a client and I never look at or answer my phone. Even if it rings I'll either ignore it or just turn the silence on. That's because I want to give the person my full attention and no distractions. But this is just me personally.

When we finished and we said our goodbyes I kissed him and thanked him. I also hugged him for accepting me. That meant a lot to me. I can tell he still wants to be friends, hang out, and he even talked about taking me to dinner. I don't care if someone is an escort or a hook up. If they show me respect, acceptance, and understanding and we get along well I will contact them just to chat or hang out with them. But I'll also let him read my blogs so he can see keep in touch and he can see what I'm doing and where I'm going.

..But as soon as I got in the car I immedietely checked my messages. I was scared thinking Sir would be shouting or angry asking, "Where are you boy", "Why haven't you called", "Are you done yet?"

To my surprise which probably shouldn't have been was simply, "I'm going to bed boy, I love you and I miss you. Have a good night.". I almost wanted to cry when I read that. I felt really bad that I assumed that he would be mad or worried. He really trusts me..and he really loves me. I could even sense when talking on the phone to Sir even when he stated rules or certain things none of it seems to be because he wants complete control or limit me in every possible way. Everything he said I sensed was out of love and care..

I can't believe he trusts me so much. But still I felt guilty for having sex with the client and I was thinking of Sir several times while having sex but tried not to make that obvious or hide it. But more than anything I wished I was doing these things with Sir. Making out with Sir..cuddling with Sir, servicing Sir, and just being besides Sir. I hurt that I wasn't doing this with Sir...

But I knew that I'd talk to Sir tomorrow and I'd tell him about it.

But when I got home my internet was so fucked up I couldn't believe it. No webpage would load or if it was it was very slow. Reset my computer and router a few times. What the hell clear. But I did try my PS Vita and got online. I was scared when I could get online with my vita but noticed there were some problems and messages popping up like, "Failed to connect" or "Connection Interrupted" or "Connection Timed Out". So while I was partially connected I wasn't completely connecting and it kept disconnecting. But my tablet was working partially. I guess maybe windows os epsecially 8 has a shit load of stuff running in the background and maybe in the kernel that it requires much heavier usage than my portable devices. Or maybe it's just that the wi-fi adapter attached to it is weaker or going out. But it scared me but what scared me more was that I wouldn't be able to write to Sir.

But I did have my tablet. But I think I was really tired so I just went to bed. I did get taco bell too though because I was hungry.

But I was surprised this morning when I didn't receive a message from Sir. I woke up a bit after 11. So maybe he isn't up yet. But this is probably how Sir feels when he doesn't receive a message from me in the morning. A little worried and scared. But I do sleep in on the weekends..especially since I got done so late. And I don't know his weekend schedule that well yet.

I just want to be with Sir right now..

I love you Sir.