My Reaction

So that story..

The end is what really got me. I did used to live as sort of a straight guy life even when I was gay. I did realized I liked kink, bdsm, and older guys earlier.

But before I got into a relationship with my former Sir and Brother I ALMOST was on a path to being a complete slut at 18 and I was headed towards gangbangs, getting pimped out, and being someone's bitch in a not good way. But I met a poz submissive who has had a hard life because of the choices he's made and because he desperately wants love and can't decide who to love and he changed that path for me.

Also the cop in the story never showed emotion and never really showed sensuality to the boy. I can't tell you how many times I cried or even begged my former Sir to fuck me at one point in the relationship. I was so hurt and heartbroken that I failed as a slave and did a bad job because my former Sir did not want to have sex with me or even be intimate with me. I blamed myself on that for years because I failed him in a cake practical on baking school and I felt I was dead to him after that. It really hurt and it really took me back reading about how the cop felt about Jim. And especially how he showed his love in "other" ways.

The torn between the two relationships as well.

One that represents control, power, complete obedient, and no affection or love shown vs. the dominant yet caring, not as attractive or fit as the body builder cop, but who shows equality care and love.

The situations played out perfectly. One was a man who completely used and destroyed the boy for his own rocks off and for his enjoyment and took it too far without realizing it and realized it's too late and got murdered by Karma. The other was the man who wasn't as dominant and controlling but still passionate, still caring, and more of a daddy boy relationship. Physical and emotional love.

I've met guys like this in the past. I thought at first I was only supposed to be a submissive bottom that did as he was told. I got past being completely submissive recently.

In the past I thought I wanted more of a "Master/slave" relationship. By no means can I not do it but it's depending on the guy and for the most part especially if it's 24/7. I wouldn't have much say or control. But would that reach my core and make me happy. Or would a daddy boy relationship with a sensual, older, dominant but caring and loving man make me happier.

These are things I've asked myself in the past few months. Because I've experienced different situations.

But the ultimate fate for jim with the bastard uncaring top. The price that is paid for taking your fetishes, your pleasures, and desires to the FULLEST extent and giving up complete control to someone who doesn't care about you. Is that the path I want to take? Was I close to taking it. If I went home with that guy from eros would I have been seen again? If I submitted completely to the piss dom top would my hole ever go back to the way it was, would I feel like I wasn't even a person unless I had cock in me. How much would I be dehumanized? And here's the kicker. A top who really gets off on torturing and using a submissive to the point where they are broken and can only think about sex. Once the submissive is completely broken. What use are they for the top. In other words. It's a fast lane life but eventually it's going to be a huge crash and then that's it.

And what was my back up plan? Finding some random trucker and offering to be his bitch and serve him wherever he goes and did what he wanted. Or any random guy? Like that would even end well? Especially if there was no interest whatsoever except me being ass. In other words..

At one point in time and currently. I could have gone on a path like this. Because I have partially experienced what it's like to give up control completely. But to someone I trust. But if that grows stronger and I give it up someone who I shouldn't trust because I'm drunk, horny, stupid, desperate or just want to give it all up and surrender myself. What would the outcome be?

And what was I originally against with a daddy boy? Or was I ever against a daddy boy. Or was I just afraid a man would never, "love" me like that or I'd never be able to "love myself" like that. In that scenario and if I was that weak. I wouldn't even be a slave at that point. I'd be an "IT". And as the author but. A boy or man's, especially submissive, biggest hell is being sold off as a slave, castration, voice box removed, and just being barely enough but can't even express or show how they feel because they've already died inside. What remains is just the body of what used to be a person. That is the ULTIMATE HELL and path that no slave, boy, submissive, or man wants their final destination to be. But unfortunately for some..it is. And more than likely. An underground slave market for gay male slaves and bdsm thing doesn't exist. And in my opinion. IT IS PURE FUCKING EVIL!

So yes I cried and was scared when I read about the cop getting sold off and his ultimate fate being castration and voice box removed and fisted and used so much his intestines spilled out. Even moreso that Robert did not try to save him or stop him. Because I have heard stories of submissives murdered during sex or castrated and killed. And that movie cruising with the opening scene of the boy being stabbed to death and told, "You made me do this" by the fucked up murder scared the mortal piss out of me. And I heard a horrible story from someone of someone who "accidentally" did mummy play with a slave and..it did not end well. The guy who did it covered everything up too but felt so guilty that he did not end up well either. But the fact that he tried to cover it up and lie about it for his "REPUTATION".

And at a leather conference a few years back. There was..with political influence a submissive who was tied up and secured and had a gag in so he could not speak. And whipped and hurt in public and NO ONE even a judge stopped it. And the submissive could not fight back or voice or even cry because he was "MUTED". These kinds of acts to submissives and to humans. THEY ARE FUCKING EVIL. Because submissives are very strong to be able to submit and to be able to give up control to someone they trust. And even more so they are NEEDED. To take advantage of that is unforgivable .

But deep in my core. These things do scare me. Because I knew they are real and that it's possible it might one day be my fate. And if that does ever happen to me I probably won't be even lucky enough to be able to end it myself. I'll just be waiting until it ends. However, the path I was going on. Would very likely be a path to that. And not only that but.

I'M TIRED OF BEING ALONE..I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN..

And the this next post will finalize and end this unusual long chain of thoughts.